THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A STUPID QUESTION

I can see you're about to test that theory

WHAT ARE THE SHIPPING COSTS AND TIMES?

  • Delivery?

- Most items are shipped same day (orders placed before 3pm U.K. time Monday to Friday). While every effort is made to adhere to this timescale, there may be occasions when despatch could be slightly delayed. 

Please note - Royal Mail 1st Class does not always arrive the next day. If you are the sort of go getter instant gratification type that will whinge if your order isn't in your hands upon the very next sunrise regardless of the blizzards or storms or thousands of miles to be travelled, then please don't order. The postman can take 2-5 days to deliver in the UK, that's just the way it is. Deal with it.

  • U.K. Shipping

- Orders below £50 are sent Royal Mail 1st class free of charge

- Orders above £50.00 are shipped free via Royal Mail Special Delivery before 1pm 

  • E.U. Shipping

- Orders below £30 are charged at a flat rate of £5.00 

- Orders above £30 qualify for free International Tracked and/or Signed shipping

  • Rest of the World Shipping

- Orders below £30.00 are charged at a flat rate of £5.00

- Orders above £30.00 qualify for free International Tracked and/or Signed shipping

DO I NEED TO STEEP THE LIQUIDS?

The truth is, no, you don't. You need to give them a good shake when you make them. If it makes you feel better then you can put them in a dark cool place for 30 of your earth days and then email me or post on facebook that the flavours have definitely developed and I'm wrong about this, and you can now discern on your delicate palate hints of butterscotch and citrus and wet toast and warm tarmac and summer in Tuscany. Good for you.

WHAT IS YOUR RETURN POLICY?

There are no returns, it's not a lending library. If you have an issue with any products you purchase then we would encourage you to contact us and we will do our best to put things right. We want you to be happy. Try not to be rude when doing this, it doesnt get you a different answer, it gets you the same answer as pleasant people get, it just makes you look rude.

SHOULD I ORDER IF THE PRODUCT IS ILLEGAL WHERE I LIVE?

Er, no. I wouldn't.

IS GRUMPY REALLY GRUMPY?

Yes. He swears alot, mostly words beginning with 'F' or 'C', he's been doing this since he was 4 despite several interventions. He's constantly amazed that many of you manage in everyday life. After the global revolution when he is installed as 'Glorious Leader' men who wear calf length cargo shorts will be executed without mercy in the street followed shortly thereafter by fans of folk music. He doesn't like to talk about the many, many, private acts of charity he undertakes. So many. Great guy. The best. No, really.

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